The Bank of Effort

We’re all pretty hard on ourselves.

Today I realized that I’m not just hard on myself, I’m a total asshole to myself.

“Because I’m fat” is one of my brain’s favourite suffixes. I constantly and frequently belittle myself based on nothing other than my size. I project the scorn I’ve got for myself into what I think other people see when they look at me. It is fucking crazy and I know I’m not the only one doing it.

Here’s the thing, here’s my thing: if I want something, I put in the work for it in every other aspect of my life. I’ll save money for a new jacket, or I’ll research for knowledge I’m after, so I can learn how to do things.

Why is it so hard to apply this to my body? You want to run? Start running. You want to lose weight? Count your calories. Put the effort in the bank or stop whining! (…This is me again, talking to myself, I don’t want to yell or lecture you.)

I don’t know. I’m fed up with my brain. I need a new strategy.

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